Clay in the Maker's Hands

A New Season

2011-12-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

As I write this tonight, I am filled with tears, but not tears of sadness but of joy. God has brought me on a journey this year....a journey to seeing Him work in me and redefining what it is to serve God and my definition of ministry. Some of you have known the transitions I have been through in the last year and the frustrations I have had seeking more ministry.....and in all my focus and wanting to do more.....God has been trying to show and change what that means.

I may not be able to appear that I am doing alot of things here in Costa Rica, I may not be able to see the fruits in what Jesus does through me sometimes, but what God is showing me is that it only takes a moment to plant a seed sometimes and most of the time we have no idea when that is taking place.

Tonight, I read a email that put this last year into perspective for me. In my mind, I have almost felt that this last year was a waste, that I couldn't do as much as I wanted and hoped to do. I have questioned God's purpose for me in Costa Rica this year. But through these struggles, I see God refining me in the fire and showing me what He values most from me serving here in Costa Rica. What He values is that I simply reach out and simply show Christ to those He sends into my path, weather if its simply one conversation over coffee or every week for many years. God works with whatever timeline we have with each person.

My other questions that I have had this year are "Do I Shine? Do I point others to intimacy with Christ? Many times, I have felt that I haven't, but then God takes the simplest things and shows me that He chooses to shine through me in the moments I least expect. This last year, I had to kick out a girl living with me, that I poured into for almost two years......and in the end, I wasn't able to see any fruit from it. This was incredibly discouraging but in contrast, tonight I recieved an email from a young man I had only one conversation with and he wrote me to tell me that he met Christ through me and that he had been baptized.

God so does not work in the ways we think! In my concept of missions, I expect to need to plant seeds over a long period of time to see fruits but I have learned that it doesn't always work this way and I have no way of knowing what God is doing in each person's life. All I know is that nothing is in vain, and that what I see and understand is not necessarily the way it is. God's ways are above mine.

A couple weeks ago was me and Anita's last day working at the soup kitchen in Guizaros with the kids. God just started closing doors there and opening doors in other places (more news later). They had a beautiful goodbye party for us there. After 2.5 years of working with these kids, I always wondered if I planted any seeds there in all that time. At the goodbye party, I was able to see the fruits of all those Saturdays. Some kids cried, and others shared with us how we had encouraged them. It was a priceless moment. It made me want to change my mind and stay......but at the same time I just was filled with peace knowing that this chapter for me was closing and that God was opening a new chapter in my life and ministry.

Saying Goodbye at Guizaros :(

Most of you know that we were looking for a place to rent and start a ministry there at the soup kitchen but after searching for months and months for a place to rent, we were finally told that it is nearly impossible to find rentals there. This was so frustrating but I continued praying and I prayed that God would show me if we were to wait or to explore other opportunities. I felt God's nudge to explore other areas to do discipleship.

Me with a little boy named Justin at the ministry in Heredia.

Shortly after, God opened a door to see a ministry in Heredia, about a 30 minute drive from where I live now. Well, we visited and were just blown away by how open they are to discipleship and how they have been praying for people to come and work with the children and youth in the slum there. When I visited, I instantly felt at home.......this has never happened to me! I didn't feel shy at all and just felt such a peace. We continued to pray and felt God's confirmation to move forward. So now......we are looking for a house and will be moving on January 1st!

God is bringing us into a new year, a year to use all He has taught us this year. Now that God has shown me that its not the quantity of ministry I do but that I just simply reach for Him.....He has now chosen to fill my schedule with ministry! I hope to never forget what I have learned and that I will never think that the way God uses me, fits only into the human idea of how it should be and what it means to be a missionary. Lord, I give you my life, I give you my time, and I give you my ministry. This is all for the glory and honor of your name.

In a future blog post I will describe my ministry in more detail.....until then....please pray for a smooth move and transition into a new ministry. If you remember, please keep me and Anita in prayer this next week. Tomorrow, I will be teaching the kids the Christmas story and doing a craft. On Friday we will be leading a workshop for teen girls talking about puberty, sexuality, and self worth. We will be getting to know them and be praying with them and answering questions and explaining these things from a Biblical context. Pray that God opens doors for us to know these youth and to reach out to them.

I also just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there that have planted seeds in my life. I want to thank all of you who have supported me out here and have prayed for me. I have felt deeply encouraged by you and have felt blessed to be surrounded by amazing men and women of God. For those of you in Canada and the States, I miss you and love you and just want to wish you a wonderful Christmas. God Bless.

A Testimony of God's Provision

2011-10-19T17:48:00.000-07:00

Today I find the need to share with you the amazing things that God has spoken to me and done for me this week. As you know from my last blog post, I have been discouraged this last month just questioning God on things and freaking out over "just another" small financial issue. Aside from God speaking to me through the Israelites, He also led me to read about Elijah. As I was reading elsewhere in the Bible, I simply could not read more because God kept saying....ELIJAH! So I finally went and read that and God spoke to me, and was reminding me of His provision in the weirdest of ways. Ironically, both sermons I heard this week at church were on the Israelites (on last Thursday) and Elijah (Sunday) both after God leading me to those very passages in my private times. It's funny how God seems to do that when he is wanting to speak loud and clear. Both those Bible stories are full of God's miraculous provisions and not only in the natural but the supernatural and with ordinary people serving God who had moments of doubt. Anyways, I found out a few days ago that I had recieved a cheque from the government that will cover the payment I need to make.So this is just another testimony of God's faithfulness. You all know how rare it is to recieve a cheque from the government.....and when those things come.....it's always only just when I really really need it. I remember back in June or July having a similar situation. I called the bank to see what I could do and happened to find out I had 900 dollars credit on a credit card I had cancelled years ago! I don't believe these things are coincidence and I believe it is God that moves these timings and things on our behalf. Praise God for His Provision and Grace!

Just like the Israelites.........Humbled

2011-10-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

As I think about some of my favorite Bible stories, I am challenged to see myself. I think of all the times I have talked about the book of Exodus and the journey of the Israelites to the promised land and thought........how could they not trust God after all he did for them, how could they question God and chase after other things when the miracles of God were shown right in front of their faces? Why did they doubt.....HOW could they doubt?

This week I just feel soooo humbled as I realize how, like the Israelites, despite God's miracles and moving in my own life.... I seem to go through these times of fear, doubt and questioning God. God WHEN is your timing, WHAT is your plan, WHY do I need to wait? Typical to these moments, guilt soon moves in when I comtemplate who I am and who God is. Is he not the God that has miraculously sustained me in Costa Rica the last 2.5 years? Is he not the God that opened my eyes to prophecy and healing this year including witnessing my first healing on my 26th Birthday? How many times has he protected me here? How many times he has used little simple me to reach out when I felt vulnerable and weak with nothing to offer?

After thinking through these things I sit in awe.....who am I to question Him? Am I not the clay here like my blog says? Or will I be a hypocrite and say that that is what I am but still somehow question? As if to say to God, do you REALLY have me Lord? How condescending! God has been with me through every process, I never want to forget how he led me to this beautiful country and how he was with me as I stepped off that plane having no clue what was to come.By God's mercy alone he still constantly speaks and fills me with his presence and blesses me even when I act like a little brat to him. He has truly brought me on the adventure of my life. He has filled me with unexpressable joy at times, there have been times I have been so touched that I have been brought to tears in His presence. He has brought me to amazing places and I have met amazing people. I have cried in complete brokeness and I have laughed so hard my stomach hurts. All these things have been a gift to me and He chose to share this with me.

Honestly, this last month has been tough for me and I have been tested alot with the question.....how much do you REALLY trust God? This month has put a couple financial difficulties in my path.....and even though I have been here many many times in the last years and God always works it out, I somehow have my freak out moment.......Lord what am I going to do?! How can I make money to take away each month's unknown income. I hate waiting till the 26th of each month to find out if I can pay the rent. I want stability, I want assurance......and all in my flesh! It's then that I realize that in my flesh I want to take away all the things that force me to lean on him. I forget that leaning on him has taught me so much, has made me grow and has increased my faith. When I remember his faithfulness and my stability and assurance in him....I stop in my tracks and realize I am in the best position ever.

That hasn't been the only thing I have felt frustrated in.....then there's the monotonous days of coloring and coloring and coloring visuals to teach the Bible.....where I'm questioning.....Lord where is our house to serve in ministry? Will this be affective? There are days like today in which I feel I will go crazy if I color another sheet and I wonder if He will really bring his promises into fruition or if my work is in vain. I feel like my heart is out there and I'm afraid of failing. This has been the hardest for me....as each month that goes by and still not finding a house, it gets harder. Please keep this in prayer.

Why do I share these things? Because I believe we all share in these struggles. I could write to you about the lovely side of being a missionary and share moving stories of God working in ministry and moving in people's lives....but I would be missing a crucial part of reality that sometimes.........It is HARD. Sometimes I question my work and sometimes I wonder like anyone if I heard God right. I think that we all feel that way. We are all on this faith journey and we are all Israelites. We are NOT above that. God moves amazing things all the time that we either fail to see or simply forget. I pray to God.....OPEN my eyes to YOUR work and to YOUR heart. I pray and ask God.....Forgive me for the times when I doubt and forget your faithfulness. Forgive me for being impatient and ungrateful. Indeed He has made my life full. Pray for me as I continue to serve Him and that I would be patient for his timeline with me and Anita's ministry endeavours and that I would be content in this process of praying, planning, coloring and waiting. I am human too and need prayer for all these things. Thanks for your prayers and I pray for all those out there who maybe feel the same. Our God is faithful.....let's try not to be like the Israelites!

God's Voice Within the Mundane.........

2011-09-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I know it has been awhile since I have written but for some reason I have been having some major writer's block. Sometimes I find that life is just simply life and that I have nothing specifec to share or say. I will say that I have felt just so blessed by God as Me and Anita are forming a program for children. Day to day, my life consists of cooking, cleaning, preparing lessons, visiting with friends, playing with my dog, reading my bible,going to the soup kitchen, texting troubled youth, playing with neighbor kids, going to church, teaching sunday school......or whatever else God brings into my path. Through all these "normal" things I see God very much at work and I find that it is in these simple things and in the natural flow of life that I see God at work and him telling me how he wants me to spend my time.

Baking Cheese Biscuits! I love to Bake!

Sometimes I forget to thank God for the normal......and then I remember a not so normal last year when my life was crazy and full of way too much drama. In that time I longed for silence, I longed for the normal. I longed for rest and no surprises.

So as I sit here in the mundane at times, I am reminded to savour every moment. I know that when we move, we will be up against alot. Perhaps God is resting me up to prepare me for some not so restful moments ahead. When that time comes, I will be ready for whatever comes our way!

So for now, when we are working on this program for these kids that we love so much, I think of them. With every visual we are creating......I'm not just making a visual.....I am making a visual for those kids to teach them about Jesus, and to bring hope to a community that needs it. We have the time to make the best we can and those kids are worth the hours of planning and creating!

The Book of Exodus Complete in Visuals.....Alot of work!

Until we are there, I continue to pray for these little ones and pray to God that I will never forget the power of prayer. I thank God for my precious times with him whether its alone in my room or singing my heart out to him in church. This is all for him and I pray that I will have the grace and love to seize every moment no matter how normal it is. May my every breath be for Him and Him alone. I pray that God will continue to show me daily, the ways I can serve him more, and the ways I can bless others, whether it be an encouraging word to the corner store clerk,the person next to me on the bus, watching a stressed out mom's kids, hosting people in my home. whatever it may be, my challenge is to strive to serve in the normal and not just in the times of crisis or dramatic need. How can I simply be a blessing? This is what has been on my heart. There is no need to seek out extravagant ways......just to lend a hand to my neighbor in love.....this is what God's heart is and God's desire for all of us.

An Answer to Prayer!!!!

2011-07-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to quickly post on my blog about the meeting I had with my pastor here this week! As me and Anita venture out into new grounds, and are in the process to relocating to the community where the soup kitchen is located, I have been praying so much that my church would want to be a part of it. I have always seen having a local church covering as not only important but crucial for general support but also for sustainability. Well, I was able to finally sit down and share my heart and share my vision and.....they agreed to be the backing of the ministry!!!

They will be involved in helping us find a house and also sending people from the church who would like to reach out in discipleship as well!. I can't tell you how amazing it is to feel supported not only from my organization in this but also from my church here. My pastor even started giving ideas of things that the church could do that I had dreamed about! I am truly blessed.

BUT.....it doesn't stop there!!!!!!! I also was able to share my desire to apply for a religious visa. In order to get this visa, I need to be sponsored by a local church.....well.....they agreed to help me in this process!!! What does this mean? It means that all the money I spend every year on renewing my visa every three months could go towards my ministry......it means that I wouldn't need to pay nearly 2500 dollars a year on health insurance as I can apply for a health card here! So you can see how this would be a great help for me!! Please keep this process in prayer as it can be tedious and there is never guaranteed approval...so please pray that God would continue to open doors in this! All I know is that things are going in the right direction. God is SO good!

What we are up Against

2011-07-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone! The last few weeks have been quite a journey and I can hardly believe its already time to move to Anita's apartment and then head to Canada for a 3 week visit! When I return from Canada the end of August, we will be looking for a place close to the soup kitchen. It's coming up so fast and the work here continues. Not only in creating visuals and program stuff but the work of ever seeking after the Lord and praying against the strongholds of the community, against the frequent spiritual attacks, and trusting in Him and his guidance in this leap of faith.

Through all the trials, one thing is sure, we are held in the hands of the almighty king. This last Saturday, God opened our eyes even more to see the struggles of this community. Saturday morning started off great and as usual with singing and asking the kids what they are gratefulfor. This week my lesson to the little ones was on the fruits of the spirit. I was so blessed to see them more relaxed and more attentive than usual. They were quite successful on remembering the fruits of the spirit!! I pray that these precious little ones can see the fruits in me. I long to shine God's love there to them and I can't wait for when I will be right there with them and can be available to them. I am so grateful to God that He helps me teach week by week.

Teaching the Kiddies about the fruits of the spirit!

After the lesson, Anita noticed a lady crying in the streets, she thought at first that it was someone we know so she went to go talk to her. It ended up being someone else. She had just gotten in a fight with her husband and he was kicking her out of the house. In the series of a couple hours......she had stored her stuff at the soup kitchen, left with her kids and came back, left the kids with us....made up with her husband and took her stuff back to where she was. Cecilia told us how often this happens with them....that they often have violent fights but then make up....she was worried having the stuff in the soup kitchen.....it can be dangerous getting involved in such a situation. But God was there and it shed light to us on the parents of some of our kids at the soup kitchen and the violence they are often exposed to.

After that, we taught our youth group on prayer and then we headed up to see an older lady with a ministry in the mountains. I definitely was not prepared to what I would feel up there. We got there and I just did not feel at peace at all. I tried to shake it off but as it went on, I just could hardly stand to be there. Something was just off. I could feel major spiritual things up there that I rarely ever feel. What I felt was evil. As she began to pray over one of my friends, I was just freaking out....something was off....way off....but I was questioning myself why I felt such darkness. All I know is that there was an undeniable oppression up there. I could hardly breathe. This also shed alot of light on the area where we are serving.

Me and Daniel, one of that Lady's sons.

Yesterday, we found out that one of our kids was kicked out of school for selling drugs :( This was just another sad reality on top of the other events. He just seemed so sad and the kids were picking on him for that. It did give me some joy that he didn't seem happy to have that pinned on him. The truth is that these kids don't want to be identified in that way. These kids really do want to be good in some way.

Last week, a teen from the community was texting me and he asked me. Do you think I am good or bad? I told him I didn't know. He told me that he used to sell drugs and rob people but that he was changing. He was struggling because the community was still seeing him as bad. I encouraged him to continue doing good and it meant alot that he was seeking encouragement and expressing a desire to be different. Please join me and Anita in prayer. Things have been intense but we still have very much felt God's presence with us and preparing us for our next steps. Please keep praying for this community, our kids, and God's provision for a house to rent in the area that we can also minister out of, and pray for us as we pray for the provision to move. We will be needing furniture and some household items. We lay all these things in His hands. Please pray!

A Witness of God's Work

2011-06-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

Me and my parents, Anita, and Steph visiting a friend.

As usual another month has almost finished up with hardly a blink. My parents came to visit in May and I had the privelage to get some R&R with them going to the beach and the volcano and just admiring the beauty of Costa Rica. It was also so neat to just be able to show my parents my work here, my dream, and my heart. It's one thing explaining your passion to people but for them to come and be here and have it explained while standing in the soup kitchen is so different. It was nice to give them a glimpse into my life.

The day after they left, I went to go help as a translator for a medical team. We travelled around to some more remote places in Costa Rica for a week. It is such a blessing for me to translate once in a while for people coming from all different places. It's amazing the people God brings into my path and I see His hand in everything.

Evangelists Eric and Esmirna

Esteban, the boy I witnessed being healed.

While we were in a small town, me and Anita had the privelage to meet a couple from Panama who are evangelists with the gift of healing. I had never met a person with the gift of healing before so I wasn't sure what to think at first, but through talking with him and his wife, talking about their testimonies, I knew that they were truthful. I could very much sense the Holy Spirit in them and enjoyed a few conversations with them. It just so happened that on my 26th birthday, I was there in that small town, and after working with the medical team all day, this evangelist preached in this small modest country church. The most amazing thing is that it is on this day, that I witnessed my very first miracle. I witnessed a boy with one leg longer than the other grow to be the same length slowly as he was being prayed over. It was amazing and undeniable! I know that my God is indeed a powerful God but had never been able to say that I had witnessed a miracle.....now I can!!! It was a wonderful birthday gift!

After getting back to San Jose, me and Anita had another chance to meet with them and we were just so encouraged by them. We connected so much with them, that they really want us to go to Panama and visit them and their church. We are planning to visit them when I need to renew my Visa in 6 months. I think that this is very much an open door and a God thing.

Our first handmade visual!!! The story of Jonah!!

Since that trip, me and Anita have started working on a children's program and preparing to move to the community where we work. We are working on different info to create a website in the future. We are making alot of visuals to help us to teach kids bible stories etc. Being low on funds, we are creating our own and are realizing how much can be done with so little, and just how much fun it can be! So right now, we are spending a lot of time preparing to do more ministry in Los Guizaros. We have been in a few meetings with Cecilia, the lady who started the soup kitchen, sharing our heart and vision. Things have proven to be a bit tough in this area as we would like to start a ministry apart from the soup kitchen that works hand in hand. We are praying that Cecilia's heart will truly be open to the idea of having two separate ministries working together to better the community and bring people to Christ. Please pray for this, we know that God is calling us to this, but we want to do this with understanding and harmony with the soup kitchen. We know that God is in charge and we continue seeking him in this process and seeing the doors that He opens. Please pray against any division that could come out of this.

Me and Anita teaching the youth at Guizaros

The kids at Guizaros praying for me.

So as you can see, God has been doing some pretty amazing things here in the last months. I find many times that so much has happened that I can't fit it all in one blog. I cannot even begin to express the ways God has been working in me and also in Anita. God has been really been confirming and reconfirming things with us and we continually feel his nudge simply saying that its time to step out in faith. Pray for us in this process and pray for the help we need to get this going. Thank you for all your prayers and support, I feel very blessed.

Rising up and Going Higher

2011-05-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

The last two months have gone by so fast and its time to update you all on what God is doing in me, where he is leading me, and what he is leading me to do. It is time to rise above the dissapointment or discouragement I have felt and its simply time to step out. I will not let the trials/hurts I have faced, rob me from the vision and passion that God gave me years ago. Its time to step out in faith recognizing that my God not only guides me but it is he who sustains me. Nothing is impossible for my God.

The Community of Los Guizaros

Many of you know I have been going through a bit of transition in ministry here on this side. I have been in search for quite some time now for a ministry that has a heart for the less fortunate communities of San Jose and a heart for a ministry of Discipleship. A heart for Incarnational ministry. I have been praying about this for quite some time and through praying both me and Anita have felt the confirmation that it is time to be leaders and move forward with the dreams and visions that God has placed in both of our hearts. I think that we have both been afraid to step out and were hoping to partner with an existing ministry. It dawned on us that it is time for us to take leadership in this and pray for others to come alongside us. This is where you all come into the picture. We need your prayers as we look into our options and move forward.

What is our vision? Our vision is to live where we have been working at the soup kitchen in Los Guizaros and continue to work with the soup kitchen but also start a ministry that focuses on the discipleship of women, girls, and children. The discipleship would stem from relational ministry within the community and focus on the teaching of the word and encouragement. It would be a ministry of prayer, a place where the hungry can come and seek God. Our dream is to bring change to this community, to break the chains and strongholds that keep the people of this community lost.

Through working at the soup kitchen the last two years, we have seen the youth starting to stray starting around age ten in the soup kitchen. The pressures to do the wrong things are so strong in this community. We have often thought....What if there was a place that they could go and interact in a healthy way. What if we weren't there only on Saturdays, but there during the week to encourage and reach out to the people? What if this ministry could eventually grow to the point where we could have teams come and maybe even offer classes on childhood developement, or basic classes for gaining work skills like a sewing class, like financial planning, like learning the basic skills for work. What if even local bakeries etc, would train responsable youth work skills etc. We know this is a big dream but if this will happen it will be through God alone. Our desire is to do something sustainable in the community, where what we do could have a chain effect. We believe that the only sustainable ministry really starts with discipleship. God says that his word never comes back empty. (Isaiah 55:11) If the people of this community come to know Christ in a real way, we believe this could spark a real change in the community. Where leaders of change could be formed to continue the ministry to those around them.

Anita, little Michelle, and I

Please pray for me and Anita as we continue seeking after God. We don't have all the answers, there are still alot of question marks but we feel God pulling us to rise up, and go higher, trusting that God will fill in the blanks and carry us. It is not through our own abilities that this dream comes, it is through faith in an infinite God that compels us. We trust that he could use us to bring people to experience intimacy with Christ which is the only thing that can transform and bring lasting life and change.

Ending on this note, I would like to share with you a vision that God gave me before I came to Costa Rica. It is something I have been brought back to as I have been facing my fears and as my faith has been continually tested. I hope it encourages all of you to dream big for Christ and to rise up and go higher with Him.

Climbing The Wall.

As you read this, picture Jesus as the Belayer and God at the top of the wall.

I'm climbing this huge wall in the dark, I'm getting higher on step at a time. As I go, the footing seems more complex, I don't know where I'm going and then.....I look down. I'm afraid, do I keep going? I'm already at a place where its a far fall.

I think about retreating when I hear a still small voice call my name. Its okay Rachel, I've got you, keep going, you can make it to the top. I slip and gasp in fear. I'm thinking, I can't do this, its just too much. Too risky. Life's better on the ground where I'm in complete control, or perhaps I'll just stay low on the wall, that way if I fall, it won't be too far of a fall.

That's it God, sure I trust you but I just can't make it to the top. Can't I just stay here? I see a light shining at the top lighting my way, the steps become clearer and honestly I'm drawn but still I struggle to believe that if I slip, Jesus will hold me up and I won't fall all the way down. The voice continues. You can do it. You have no idea what I have planned for you at the top. Each step ahead is a part of my will for your life adventure, a life purpose.

What about hurt God? What about pain? Yes, Rachel, you will encounter the tougher parts of the wall, yet they lead to so much more than you know. It's tough, but do you really want to live life wondering or live your life half way? You see, the world wants you down on the ground with everyone else, but I have called you to live higher than that and indeed its great.

But Lord, its so scary to be set apart, it seems so illogical that I would allow you to carry me when I could stand on my own two feet, or if I at least stay low on the wall so I could survive a small fall..... right here where I am at. How do I know if I'm taking the right steps? Your light guides the way but doesn't show the steps to come. What if I hear you wrong and then fall all the way down?

Rach, I will never leave or forsake you, even when you make a mistake, I will catch you, though you may fall down a ways, I will never let you hit the ground. I am your great pursuer and I will never leave you alone. Seek my face and trust me and just let me do the rest. Trust that I can take you as you are and lead you down the path that I have planned. Always know that I am there, even when I'm silent.

I believe that this is God's heart for all of us. We are all afraid of failing and it keeps us from attempting to do more for our king. God has really been showing me that its my heart and my sacrifice that he desires...that even if I set out to attempt something big for God and it doesn't work, that he will still be pleased with me. Let us remember not to bury the things and talents that God has given us but to put it to work. He will not be pleased with the servant who doesn't do anything. It is better to try and fail, but step out in faith, then to do nothing. (Matthew 25:14-30, James 2:14-24....focused on verse 18-19, James 4:13-17....focused on verse 17.) If you would like to read Anita's perspective and heart in this pursuit, you can go to http://www.mightyawakenwithchrist.blogspot.com/. I find that both blog entries compliment the other.

Letting Go.......

2011-03-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I know that it has been nearly 3 months since I have written on here. It has been a really hard last 3 months with so many struggles and so many tears. For one....letting someone dear to me slip through my fingers in obedience to God. I have been through more than I am willing to put on my blog but in short.....God in this last week confirmed the need for me to make a really tough decision....the tough decision to ask the girl to leave that has been living with me. After a year and a half of connecting and pouring into this girl, sharing wonderful moments, sharing pain, and ultimately living a soap opera, God made it clear that it was time to shut the doors and allow her to suffer the consequences of her own actions.

Yesterday was the day I finally fulfilled what God has wanted me to do for quite some time......let go. I was just led astray by my desire to see restoration, for my desire for things to end well and my desire for a miracle to happen. Time and time again the truth started hitting me......Rachel.....people only change if they want to or if they have to. Through some spirit inspired messages for me through my pastor, I was finally given the strength to do the right thing.

Last Sunday God gave him a specifec word for me without knowing anything about me or my life.....his message was this...."Rachel if one door is closed or closing.....there are seven open doors" In this moment I knew what the closed door signified. Later this week on Wednesday...God gave my pastor another word for me (this has never happened before in my life) He told me that God wanted to ask me if I preferred him or the people around me. He also said that God would fulfill peace and justice for me, that an angel has been protecting me from alot of things, that God was giving me new giftings, that he was opening a ministry for me and that God wanted me to know that I was not alone. I know this may sound general but it related point by point specifically to what I was praying that day. He then placed his hand above mine and I could feel a sensation go through my hand and through my body. I knew that his words came directly from God.

All these things brought me to this decision.....and without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do, letting someone go that you love knowing that they have nowhere to go, knowing that they will suffer greatly, and knowing that they don't have much or any support from family or friends. Its hard for me to do this and to stay firm and not cave into taking her back. I know that God has led me to step out of the picture and let her learn to depend on God and allow her to unfortunately learn the hard way. Allowing her to stay would only hurt me and her more.

Anyways, please keep me in your prayers as it is hard knowing that she is not in a good place right now and that her needs are not being met. I feel at peace with what I've done but it will take me awhile to heal. Please pray for her to come to repentance and to seek God and for me to have the strength to not help her beyond God's guidance. Pray for me as God is in the process of connecting me to more ministry and for focus on what he wants me to do. In a later post I will update more on my ministry progress. Thanks for joining with me in prayer and support, without you guys, I wouldn't be here. To all of you who are in the process of making a tough decision, trust in God, he has his ways of bringing us through. Feel free to email me with any of your prayer requests at rachelyrach@gmail.com.

Events and Ministry Possibility!!

2010-12-15T18:43:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been a while since I have updated my blog....it seems that the last months have gone by particularly fast and have been busy. I have also needed to sort through some things emotionally before I felt that I could write on here. I have been feeling for the last months so much spiritual attack and have felt almost crushed by so many things going on here that I wasn't sure how to even begin to write. Now I feel I can write again and keep you up to date on what's going on here. Through all these tough road blocks, one thing is sure.....Satan will not have his way, and I refuse to be taken out by anyone but God. I continually hold onto his strength.

This month, I have been planning my own Christmas activities here in Costa Rica as I will not be in Canada for Christmas this year. One of the things I did was hold a cookie painting/ tree decorating party for Marilyn's family and cousins. It was great! We ended up having a huge flour fight and all ended up covered from head to toe in flour!!

Last week, me and a few friends went down in front of hotel well known for its sex tourism/illegal activity to just pray and see what God had for us there. We stayed there from 9pm-4am and were able to pray and chat with the different characters that hang out there. It was an interesting experience to be able to see them just as people and less so as drug dealers, prostitutes, and male prostitutes. I couldn't help thinking to myself in the moment.....here I am on the shady corners of San Jose talking to drug dealers about the best meat/worst meat to eat and eating carrot sticks.While I was out there, I couldn't help but question whether our presence was really worthwhile and whether having rather trivial conversations with the people there had any value at all.

In the end I realized that it wasn't really about exactly what we did or how "focused" it was but that we had sent aside that time as a sacrifice to God and to perhaps be a light on a corner where that is hard to find. When it was around 3am, after talking about meat and chinese food, Andy a drug dealer on that corner started to talk to me about God. He ended up asking for a church to go to. In that moment, I realized that even if nothing comes from it.....the 20 minutes talking about God and praying made it all worth it. It gave this corner a group of faces and personalities to specifically pray for. A corner of broken, lonely people that God cares about and wants to reach.

This week I finally got to see the teen girl drug rehab centre and just observe the program. This is something I have been praying about for a while now. I have felt for some time now that God is calling me to focus on discipleship and teaching the Bible and heard that this ministry was specifically looking for someone to do that. I have so far been quite impressed with this ministry and will be continueing to observe and pray for the meantime. Their program for this area is to run a group Bible study and then do individual sessions with the girls where they can discuss their thoughts/questions about God and the Bible. This is a passion of mine and will see if this is where God would like me to serve.

Please Pray!!!
1. Pray for me as I have been feeling really discouraged and overwhelmed. It is really hard to work with youth at risk and have been feeling so weak and just attacked by Satan. I'm dealing with so many teen issues that I never anticipated. I'm feeling a bit naive/innocent to work with teens who have been through so much. Pray for strength, wisdom, and guidance.
2. Pray for Marilyn as she will be starting school next month and just pray for her relationship with God. Also pray for the money to pay for her GED/English program for the year ($800.00) This will cut her completion of high school from 3 years to 1.5 years and get her on the road to independence.

Thanks for all your prayers and support, I simply couldn't do it without you guys. I truly pray Gods blessing over this Christmas season. Let me know if I can lift you up in prayer.

Liberty and Liberations

2010-10-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

So, I had a interesting experience the other day. The last month or so I have been attending a new church. Due to a huge amount of things that I disagreed with in the church in Los Guido, I came to the conclusion that I just couldn't be at peace being a part of that church. Around the same time, Marilyn was going to a new church and needed some motivation to continue going to church so I agreed to go with her. Well, I liked the church and the people there so I have continued going.

Anyways, on Saturday they had a spiritual warfare conference and I decided to attend. At the end of the conference, is when things became uncomfortable for me. The guest speaker began to pray against demonic attacks and people began to fall to the floor and shriek. I was praying the whole time as I was really battling with my feelings on the whole thing. Is this right? Is what is going on here from God? One thing I could tell is that there were some very real things going on and very obvious demonic things going on.

I prayed that it would stop if it wasn't from God......it didn't stop....I continue feeling uncomfortable with the whole idea but decided that I needed to block the activities around me and pray....after all this is about my communion with God and not the others there....that is between them and God.

God told me one thing while I was praying. I told God that I just don't understand and he simply said......that's okay, you don't have to understand. hmmmm interesting. I don't need to over contemplate it.....yes my opinion over the whole thing is fairly conservative but there is one thing that is sure. God is there and he is working in the people of this church. These people DO have a relationship with God so I need to step back and let God do the judging.

Can I worship God amidst this going on? The answer is yes. Will I have alot of questions when I get to heaven? Absolutely. So as I struggle with all of this.....pray for me. There are some things that I won't understand and there will be things that I downright disagree with but what this is really about is my act of worship to God. God sees my heart and he see's their hearts and in his grace he still speaks and works with us flawed humans even if we don't get it quite right.

Another thing I have been going through is just accepting the expectations of the church culture here in Costa Rica. I struggle with the fact that in order to be a part of a church here there are certain liberties that I must give up that I wouldn't have to give up in Canada. It's hard to surrender to that when you have a stubborn, independant personality like me. I was shocked to learn to what extent the pastor's here have power and how much they are respected.

This is not a bad thing but something rubbed me the wrong way when I was told I would have to ask the pastor for permission for a bunch of things.........permission for what? Hmmm permission to visit another church, permission to be involved in any kind of ministry outside of the church, and if it ever comes up... permission to date someone. Oh yeah.....have I mentioned that when you choose to date someone, that it must be announced in front of the church? Hmmm I think I will just stay single for a long long time......works for me!!!

I was also shocked to find out that I am expected to be at church for every service and that if I don't go that I have to answer to the pastor and give a good enough reason why I wasn't there. Doesn't sound like a big deal right? Well.......I find it tough. So please pray for a more submissive spirit on my part....and that these cultural differences won't make me dwell on the freedoms I had in Canada. I guess its not a big deal to be committed to being at church a minimum of 3 times per week:) I do enjoy it, so I won't let the idea that I have to, change my attitude.

On the bright side, the pastor is a good pastor and trust me......if I am not paying attention in the service......he WILL notice! His eyes pierce your soul...no hiding from him!! I keep reminding myself, there is nothing wrong with being held accountable.

******** I know that this blog entry might make some uncomfortable, I did not write it to give an opinion or to discuss theology but just to show a glimpse of my personal experiences and to be honest of my own personal struggles living in another culture and attending a church that is different than what I am used to**********

Last Night

2010-10-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,

I just thought that I would update with you all that last night I made it through the day without saying anything to Marilyn and that we ended up talking and afterwards she seemed to be in a better mood.
I was still waiting knowing that she still might leave but had a sigh of relief when she asked if I could give her a back massage last night.....(meaning she was planning to be home :) So she is still here. We had a good talk and prayed together last night.

But please, please continue to pray......the battle is not over. My life with my little sister is very much like a rollercoaster at times and the spiritual attacks go on. Today is a good day......but tomorrow could be different. I'm just taking it a day at a time and continuing to pray against these spiritual attacks. Also pray that God will give me the strength to continue on fighting against these attacks and that he would give me the discernment I need day to day as I interact with her. Thanks so much for the encouraging notes.....it really helps me to have strength knowing that I am not alone and that people are lifting me up in prayer. I feel loved and blessed by you all.

like a stab in the heart.....

2010-10-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

These last two months have been nothing but spiritual attack after spiritual attack.....and in the midst of it all, God's love and presence has given me the strength to make it through. The hard part is that it is not over yet. The intensity of the last month have been exhausting and as I watch my little sister who I love so much "dwindling"over a cliff of major decisions that will affect her life......my instinct wants so bad to run over and not let her fall. But.....I am continually challenged to give her into God's hands and encourage her when the time is right but also at times sit back and not say anything.....realizing that I can't stop her and neither should I be that pulling force all of the time. I am not her savior...God is. Easier said than done.

This ache that I feel for her is also a gift from God. God is the one that called me to love her without holding back.... knowing that at any time......my heart could be broken by the outcome. You see Marilyn doesn't see herself how God see's her and how I see her. She doesn't think much of herself and just doesn't believe that she can live her life differently than her past and differently than her family have lived. There is so much pressure pulling her to do everything that will leave her hurt and empty.

I know that God has connected me to her. When she is going through something, I can feel it in my gut....even when I'm not in her presence.....I just know when something is wrong. I can be enjoying time with friends when all of a sudden I feel something off and my stomach starts to turn. When it happens it is intense. This has been my life the last couple months about 4 times each week. Each time, this is followed by me talking with her for hours, encouraging her and praying. It has been hard but God has just opened up my world to the spiritual battle within her. The worst part is that I feel that Satan is winning despite my prayers and talks with her.

Anyways, I wanted to share this so that you can continue to pray for me.....I need it. This morning is one of those mornings when my stomach is turning. She doesn't know that I know what is going on. You see......she told one of my friends that she is planning to move out today without telling me. I am going to a Thanksgiving dinner tonight...and while I'm there she is planning to leave.Where? with a classmate that is not a Christian and a hardcore partier......which is one of her constant temptations.

I can imagine how you parents feel. After investing so much time in the last year and pouring my heart into her.....its hard to sit back and watch her go downhill. She is like a little sister to me. The hardest part is that I feel God telling me not to say anything or intervene. My hands are tied. There is always a chance that she will change her mind, that this is a cry for help, manipulation, or that she will just move out, but until tonight......I am sitting here.....absolutely crushed and I can't even show it. I am seeking God and just praying. His will be done and not mine. If she does leave.....I will need God to help me through it.....I know that Satan tries to bring me down with feelings that if she falls that its my fault.....but I do the best I can.....I love with the love that God gives.....and I accept the pain that comes with that sometimes. It's amazing to me how God loves all of us in this way (and even more). I remind myself of God's unconditional love and how he loved his disciples even when he knew they would deny him and betray him. God calls us to love in this way, in a way that is radical and unconditional. Thanks for being prayer warriors for my situation/ministry.

Los Guizaros

2010-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

Please Pray!

2010-09-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

I have been going through a whole lot of spiritual attack lately since arriving in Costa Rica. It has been the weirdest attack I have ever been through. I have been so incredibly blessed by God and he has been opening doors informally with different youth here just encouraging them and having great conversations about God. He has also shown me how much he is covering my every need.....he has opened my eyes to how many wonderful people he has placed in my life. I am not alone here and I am truly blessed, that I am sure of. I also have felt God's presence and Holy Spirit so strongly guiding me.....I have literally felt it so strong, I can compare it to being wrapped in a big fluffy blanket. I feel like God has some big things coming.

But......at the same time and just as intensely, Satan has been attacking me. I felt it so strong this week that I actually have felt short of breath at times. So please keep me in your prayers. I went to my get away in the mountains the last few days to really pray, read my Bible, and have some fellowship with a missionary friend. I know that God is doing some cool things and Satan doesn't like it. I am also feeling that some of these spiritual attacks are coming through Marilyn or that Satan is attacking her too. Please pray. Something is off and I really feel it.

Also, I will be dedicating this month to fasting and prayer specifically, and seeking God's continued guidance in ministry....I feel God pulling me in a specifec direction but need his confirmation above all. I know that God is calling me specifically to disciple but am seeking how he exactly wants me to go about it. I believe in the power of prayer and would appreciate your prayers!

.......and my heart breaks.

2010-08-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have felt extra contemplative these last few days and have just felt utterly broken by the events and heartbreaking stories I have heard this last week.....

Today, I was on the way to the soup kitchen as usual when I saw a murdered man lying on the side of the road surrounded by a cop car and bystanders.....and I wonder....who was this young man? Did he know Jesus? Did he know today would be his last day? My heart breaks for his family.

The unspeakable stories I have heard this week haunt me and for just a moment I feel hopeless. A baby sold in the slums, the horrible things that missionaries have done, split families, lack of family peace. Youth going through so much, youth straying from the church,.....all things that interrupt my life for a moment and make me hurt for the pain they feel.

I hate these interruptions of my happy- go- lucky personality. Why is there so much injustice? Why do some people have to go through so much.....while others live such a blessed life..... But......through all these heart wrenching things.....God speaks to me.

I see hope in the children's faces at the Soup kitchen. They smile and carry on playing as if nothing horrible is going on in the world. I see their innocence even as they grow up in some of the worst environments. I hear the passion that God gives some youth to follow him, lives truly reborn. I love hearing the stories of recovery and how God works through even the worst circumstances. I love how all of this drives me to pray that much more.

My God hurts for all the people involved here. My God weeps for the injustice in the world. He longs for all to come to him and give their pain to him. My God desires to heal. My God is so powerful that he can bring good from disaster and can restore hope those who have no hope at all. Who will bring this hope? Who comforts the broken who do not know God? I can't imagine how much more painful life would be if I didn't have God to be here with me. I cannot change all these circumstances and I am no savior but the hope of Christ keeps me going. The smiles on those kids faces....keeps me going. The dedication and love I see in other people keeps me going. There is always hope.

Francis Chan - Balance Beam

2010-08-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

Fellowship, Freedom, and Stretch Marks

2010-07-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

It has been such a blessing to have the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people here. I have been both blessed and encouraged by talking with people about God's work in Costa Rica and his heart for missions. I came to Canada afraid of sharing in groups. Public speaking has always been something that has been hard for me to do. But through the stretch of sharing, God has really encouraged me by showing me how people here really do have a heart for missions. It's so good to be a part of the family of God!! We all work together to reach the world!! Some pray, some encourage, some give, and some go....each so crucial.

Throughout this time God has really been teaching me to wait on him. In the beginning of our time, Me and Anita really wanted to volunteer and fill all of our time. However, nothing ever seemed to work out....and after a while I sensed that it was exactly how God wanted it. Sharing here in Canada has helped me grow in trusting God with everything and has started to free me from the bondage of timidity. I think I always felt that if I shared, that I wouldn't be able to really share my heart in a way that people could understand or that people wouldn't be interested. I couldn't have been farther than the truth on this. The acceptance and encouragement at each group really showed me that I am not on my own in my journey as a new missionary....that I do have people that stand behind me and are truly interested in the things going on in Costa Rica.

Before each meeting, Me and Anita would pray for God's words and not our own. We didn't plan or strategize how we were going to share, but left all of that open to the Spirit's leading. Really giving each meeting to God, helped me to conquer my fears and really open my heart to people. It has been a growing experience for me. I now feel better equipped and secure knowing that more people are lifting up me in prayer as well as the people that I work with...Marilyn,her family and the youth and children who live in poverty. I feel more prepared to return and pursue relational missions and discipleship.

My reason for coming to Canada for the last 2.5 months was to build a foundation of people to partner with God's mission in Costa Rica and also to simply reconnect. Even though one of the reasons I came was due to financial issues, I felt compelled from the start to come simply to share and encourage. The focus has been off of my finances and on connecting with people and seeking prayer for my ministries. I know that God is able to provide for my needs and that he will bring the right people to partner with me. The blessings I have recieved simply by sharing in fellowship here far outweigh's anything else that could come from it.

Me and Anita have shared with all different kinds of groups....from kids to seniors. Each group bringing so much encouragement to us. If you were at one of these meetings.....thank you for coming and being so open to us and for being such an encouragement. I am ready to head back and get working again. I feel rested, refreshed and full of passion to continue in God's plan for me in CR. I will be arriving back in Costa Rica July 30th!!!!! Please keep my ministries and financial needs in your prayers. God bless!

Visiting Canada

2010-05-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

I am coming to Canada!!!!! But…..only for a limited time! I am hoping to reconnect with all of you and also just share about the amazing things that God is doing here in Costa Rica!!! I will be in Canada from May 14th-July 30th to just seek God in the vision he has given me, share it…..and also to see what you all have been up to the last year!! But…..in order to make this trip a success, I need your help!

Have you ever imagined what it would like to be raised in a slum? Could you picture what life might be like for a teenager or child growing up amongst abuse, drugs and family dysfunction? How would you think of your future if you couldn’t finish your education or were discouraged to do so? Imagine living in a place where being abused is almost expected, where drug addiction is just a part of life, where neglect and rape commonly starts right in your home. Imagine the possibility of your own parents prostituting you so that they can pay the rent. Now…..imagine this……..this is NORMAL.

Sadly, this is the reality of life for many living in the slums. Despite the presence of many organizations, the need is never covered completely. Even so, many come with medical aid, food , clothing, and churches but the problems remain and the youth/children are left in despair. They have food for the day but they are getting eaten up spiritually.

What is the answer to bringing hope to these youth? I believe the answer is simply spending the time to know these youth and be that encouragement. Encouragement to follow their dreams and encouragement towards God. The church needs discipleship, people willing to answer the questions that so many have about God and life without any strings attached. Full acceptance of who they are in the moment. Who will tell them that they have value? That they have purpose? That with God’s help they can break the cycle of dysfunction? And this is exactly the problem………….there is a HUGE lack of people who do this!

Think about the people in your life who made in a difference……who was it? Hmm I’m guessing that it was someone who simply took the time to know you and love you. That’s exactly what I want to do; build relationships in the community, share God with everyone and disciple those who want to have a deeper relationship with him. The idea is simple but the mission is difficult….but the good news is that YOU can help!

Ways that you can help!!!

1) Become a Prayer partner for my ministry! I am working in a community that lives in poverty and I work with children/youth at risk. Many of them come from really hard situations. This is very challenging for me and I need prayer. I need people committed to praying for God’s work here in Costa Rica.

2) Be an Advocate! One thing that I would like to do is share about the ministry going on in Costa Rica. I need Bible Studies/ small groups to share with. I plan to bring some snacks from Costa Rica and possibly cook a typical Costa Rican dish for some or all of the small groups. Could you open your home and invite some friends over? Do you know friends who have Bible Study groups that would be open to hearing about Costa Rica? Please…..let me know!!!

3) Partner with me Financially! In order to carry on in the ministry here and reach out to children and youth at risk, I need the finances to cover not only basic living costs but also funds to help the ministries I work with.

There are many ways that you can make a difference in the lives of children and youth at risk in Costa Rica. Please pray about whether God is calling you to partner with me and the work here. If you are interested in meeting over coffee to talk, I am more than happy to share about Costa Rica and also learn more about you. If you feel God tugging your heart to missions, I would also love to meet you! For those of you who are not in Canada and would like to chat....we could email or arrange a skype call. My email is rachelyrach@gmail.com.

Children's Home

2010-04-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

This last week I went back to Coronado where I was teaching English last year to visit with the caregivers and the children!! I have missed them so much. I have been wanting to visit the 2 ladies who care for the children. Time and time again I have seen so many people come to minister to the children but nobody to encourage these ladies. They have sacrificed so much and don't have any help.

Imagine you with 8-11 kids!!!!! INSANITY. Also imagine that on top of that, that these kids come with behavioral issues/ most have been abused. Needless to say.......they need encouragement/ other adults to talk to. These ladies live there for 15 days and then get 2 days off. During the 15 days, they don't leave the children's home. So, it occurred to me that it would be cool to go up there once a week or once every 2 weeks and give them manicures and just chat with them.

So I had a blast chatting with them and then played with the kids for a bit. I really love these ladies and kids. Even though I am no longer teaching there, I hope to visit them when time permits. Please remember these amazing women in your prayers. It's a very stressful job and its really hard to just draw close to God amidst the chaos.

Moving!!!!

2010-04-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

I am soooo excited to say that I will be moving to a mold free, cockroach free house in one week!!!!! God opened the doors not only for a house but also another room mate!!! My friend Brooke from Calgary will be living with me while she is studying Spanish at the institute. She is my age and has been called to work in Talamanca, a indigenous community close to the Panamanian border. So I have a wonderful friend from my hometown who is also called to CR long term. AWESOME! Even better, while I am in Canada she will be there to be with and encourage Marilyn. I was a bit worried what would happen with Marilyn while I was away. God has his ways of working things out. I know that this house will be a success because my missionary friends have been living there the last year and in a week will be moving to Honduras to do missions......so.....no surprises this time!! NO MORE MOVING PLEASE!

I met with the landlords last night, and they are the sweetest people ever. Their not looking to make money renting the house they just want good tenants. I even chatted with their daughter for a bit and we might hang out sometime! They even lowered a already cheap rent for me! Also with a new room mate, my cost of living will go down a lot! Amen!!! So I'm looking forward to it........really it came just in time.......I found a baby tarantula in my house yesterday and was thinking......what else is in this house that I don't know about??!!

All in all though I know that I have been blessed even where I am at. There are many who would love the house I am living at. I almost felt guilty about finding another house.....but when I realized that in the end it would be cheaper and a even better location for ministry.....I knew that God was blessing it and opening this door. I have been having alot of problems in this house due to mold and it has been affecting my health so I look forward to having more energy........and not dealing with infestations!!!

Beyond Content!!!

2010-04-08T17:53:00.000-07:00

God has been so incredibly good to me!!! I can hardly believe that I have been in Costa Rica already for a year!! I still marvel at the beauty of Costa Rica and I still am in love with the people here. Every day brings a new surprise, a new lesson and it is priceless. Yes, it has been stressful and has been trying/spiritually taxing but through it all I am overwhelmed by happiness. What a gift!

I had so many fears stepping on that plane a year ago and now looking back, I can see God's hand in every step. I felt that life was so perfect in Calgary that I was afraid of exchanging that for the unknown. It has been a journey through doing things that I never thought I could do. When I told God I would do anything for him, I had no clue that he would have me do everything that I was afraid of!! What were/are those fears? Public speaking, leading and socializing in groups. Well, that is all I've done and I'm telling you, nothing feels better than having the chains loosened of these insecurities and coming to the realization of the truth that I can really do everything with Christ who gives me strength!

Anyways, today was just one of those days where I felt God telling me that he loves me through every little thing. Being ministered to by the christian radio station here, taking in the beauty of this country, spending time with wonderful people who love the lord and seeing God transform lives. I can truly say God has given me more than I ever could have asked for.

Soooooo, if there is something that God is calling you towards......GO FOR IT! Don't worry about the risk of diving into the unknown. God knows your heart and your desires and he will only call you to the best. The growing pains may hurt but I can promise the same contentment that I have experienced. Through every circumstance, good or bad......if you keep your eyes on Jesus.....I have no doubt that you will feel the blessing of having someone perfect by your side. Who could be a better guide/teacher but God himself who knit you together in your mothers womb.....who has seen you grow and who knows your future? Rest in him.

Things are not always as they seem......

2010-04-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I stated a whole lot of things in my last entry that have completely changed........just goes to show how we can be so mislead. Hmmmm for this reason I must always pray for discernment and seek the whole story/ perspective before passing judgements.....yeah easier said than done.

The situation with Marilyn is somewhat resolved. In the end I got two competely different stories from either sides and after putting two and two together, came to the conclusion that my "little sister" who I care so much for has been lying about a whole lot of things. I've confronted her a bit but am finding a balance between enabling her behavior and confronting too harshly. She's going through so much in her life, and I don't want to push her too far. There is so much drama going on with this situation and so much dysfunction with her family. So I'm putting this behind me and moving on. But for the future I now know what to watch for.

So this week has been eventful to say the least. Tuesday night I spent my official 5th night waiting in emergency......I am WAY too familiar with the hospitals here! Marilyns Dad and brother got into a car accident and her brother was being checked for internal bleeding etc. So finally at 5:30am the next day I went to sleep. Thank God that her brother was 100% okay. It was quite a accident!

For the past 6 weeks I have been taking some classes at YWAM regarding Children at Risk. Those classes have been such a blessing and already I am finding ways to apply them to my life and ministry now. Last week the classes were on Human Trafficking. This week I found out naturally through Marilyn about possible human trafficking going on in Los Guido. She told me that a bunch of her friends are working in the States washing dishes and that this week her friend was leaving to do the same thing. I found that kind of suspicious and asked a few more questions.....only to find out that I believe that some youth in her community are being trafficked.....all of them.....under age 20.

So I find myself thinking about how I can raise awareness amongst the youth in this community. They are the perfect targets.....all live in poverty....all find a hard time finding hope for a better future...and then....a foreignor comes and tells them that they can go to the States to work in hotels.....that the apartment will be paid for......that they will make alot of money....and that their visa and flight will all be paid for.....and then they leave. What goes on from there only God knows. Anyways, just something on my mind now. Marilyn was wanting more information on these job opportunites and thats how I found out about it. When I warned her, she was surprised. She's never heard that woman are trafficked from foreign countries to the States to be sold into the sex trade. Hmmmm something to think about.

Texas, Drama, Stress.....and Peace.

2010-03-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been such a blessing to me. I came back from my missions orientation in Texas last week both refreshed and encouraged. I learned so much and had time to really focus on my vision and how to better connect people to God's mission here in Costa Rica. During the orientation and my time talking with my pastoral support, I have decided to take a trip to Calgary for 2 months to raise supporters and reconnect with my community there. I am praying about when and how to go about this. Please pray for me as I make preparations for this.

Of course, whenever I leave the country, a surprise situation is always waiting to be uncovered upon my return. This last week here has definitely been a challenge. When I came home, my room mate was very sad. As she explained what happened, she started to cry. Some people in leadership in her life accused her of doing some things that she hasn't been doing. She is so hurt by this. She has had a rough life but Christ started changing her life around two years ago. Some people think that she is still living like she did before. This has really made me sad because I know that she has been doing well. I know Satan is really using this situation as a huge discouragement in her faith. She is losing trust for the Christians who are in her life. Please pray for her during this time and pray for me as I continue to love and encourage her in her faith.

Also, pray for me as I will be speaking with her leadership regarding the situation. I don't want to enter this situation thinking over protectively of Marilyn but just as someone who is questioning the situation with love and understanding. This is a challenge after seeing her so upset all week and crying every day about the situation. But God holds this in his hands and I trust that he will give me the words I need.

The positive of everything that has happened in the last months is that God is filling me with his peace. I was so worried and stressed and it was running me down. But through my trip to Texas and just taking it easy this week and praying, I feel peace. God has my finances and he has Marilyn in his hands. I need not worry but just to continue walking and seeking after God's direction.

Transparency in Financial Issues.

2010-03-03T17:33:00.000-08:00

Me and Marilyn moved to a house a couple blocks away from our old apartment last week. The house was very cheap to rent and seemed perfect for us. So we moved everything in and started putting things in their place.......only to find that we had a cockroach problem! So I went to the store and bought bottles of cockroach spray. I sprayed the place to death trying to kill the cockroaches. Well.....that lasted about a day until I realized that we needed professional help. After attempting to take care of the problem, I tried to ignore the problem.....after all, the cockroaches hide, so I tried the out of sight, out of mind theory......hmmmm didn't work. As I was reading the Bible with my friend Anita on the couch, I saw a ton of cockroaches skittering about....it was then that I decided to call the fumigator. Some problems aren't meant to be faced on your own......

Since we are all a family in Christ, I have been realizing that I am bearing a load that is not meant for me to handle on my own. I need to be open with all of you because you are an important part of God's mission here in Costa Rica.

Something that is really hard for me to do but it so needs to be done, is to be completely honest about my financial situation here. I have really been praying for more support here as I have been running a deficit nearly every month for the last year. Because of this deficit I have gotten into debt. I have tried to ignore the problem but it has come to the point where it cannot be ignored any longer. It has hit me that if something doesn't change......I might just be another missionary forced to leave the field due to finances.

It has been a hard line for me to draw. I ask myself......Do I really need to share this with people or should I just be quiet and trust that God will provide in his own way. It then occurred to me that I have been rediculous not to share. I have come to the realization that my pride has held me back from truly asking for help. I have lately just felt God nudging me, reminding me that this is not my mission but his mission. Anything that is God's mission is the churches mission as well. We share in the ministry here in Costa Rica. I'm not quite sure sometimes how to voice my needs so I'm hoping that the following info will convey the extent of my need.

Monthly Budget:

Rent: 300.00
Food: 300.00
Gas: 200.00
Car Insurance: 15.00
Electricity: 30.00
Water: 10.00
Total Needed: 855.00 U.S minimum is needed to cover main expenses here not including ministry expenses
Average Monthly Support: 500.00 U.S
Deficit: 355.00 U.S

Medical insurance for the year: 900.00 due on March 4th
Required trip to Texas for Missions organization: 1000.00....leaving on March 14th

Something that I am working on is taking the time to truly communicate with all of you as to what is going on here. I have been so caught up in ministry that I have found that months sometimes go by without me writing an update. I want you all to know what is going on here in my ministries and the things that God has been doing in my life. God truly has opened doors here for me in ministry and I would like to continue serving God here. I know that God called me here and that I moved here in obediance to that call. When I came I was very afraid because I didn't have any clue what was going to happen. I feel that God has blessed me beyond measure here and I don't feel like my time here is anywhere close to done.

Having said that......I know that God is more than able to provide for all my needs and that whatever his will is, will come to pass. I am asking for you all to unite with me in prayer. Prayer for provision, prayer for my ministries, prayer for me and Marilyn. I need your partnership to continue the mission that God has given me here. I also ask that if God lays the work going on in Costa Rica on your hearts, that you will consider partnering with me financially to allow me to continue to serve here. God does provide. But God also uses people to provide. I apologize for keeping this problem from you for so long, God is helping me to face my pride and to be open about my needs.

If any of you have any questions about my work here in Costa Rica, I would be more than happy to explain in more detail. Feel free to check out my video on youtube under "Rachel Garber Missionary in Costa Rica".

As God lays it on your hearts, you can send all support to the following address.

CTEN
1731 Lesperance Road
Windsor ON N8N 1Y2

The check should be made to Commission to Every Nation or CTEN. Make sure that if your sending a cheque, that you include a note with my name on it.

For all letters:

Rachel Garber

Apdo 428-1011
La y Griega
San Jose, Costa Rica

2010-02-27T18:32:00.000-08:00

Well, I can hardly believe that it is almost March. Every month seems to fly here and before I know it, I realize that I haven’t sent an update in quite some time. I can hardly believe that I have been living here in Costa Rica for almost a year. God has opened so many doors here and I feel so blessed to share in the blessings of the ministry here. Instead of trying to explain away the last few months which would be lengthly and quite impossible I will share about my last few weeks and hopefully will find a way to send more regular updates.

This month was different then a lot of months. First of all, we finished all the work for the sponsorship program which included a lot of shopping, organizing, handing out uniforms and school supplies. After several trips to the store and several other trips exchanging shoes and such, we had everything delivered and around 70 children ready for school! It was a lot of work but so priceless to see the smiles on the children’s faces.
After the sponsorship program was finished I thought that I would have a couple weeks off to relax……but…….as per usual in Costa Rica……something came up! I ended up rushing my room-mate Marilyn to the emergency room as she was in extreme pain and hemorraging. In short, they ended up operating on her uterus and sent her home less than 24 hours later to recover at home. So my job for a week and a half was to take care of Marilyn. The surgery also left its emotional impact on her as she found out that she will most likely not be able to have children. About a week and a half after this surgery, we had another scare and ended up in the emergency room again. Much to her relief and mine…..she didn’t need another surgery.

The above picture is a picture of Marilyn and her family. Marilyn is the girl in the blue shirt.

This last week I was translating for a medical team and had the privelage of working with doctor Kit who works in Cambodia. I was so amazed by the openness of all the people who came to see him. We were able to share the gospel with some of the patients and have some meaningful discussions and prayer times. This really opened my eyes to how much people really are searching. I honestly was expecting more rejection but instead all I saw were people who were hungry for God. What an encouragement that was!

It was also neat because one of the things that I have been praying about is doing more relational and discipleship ministries. It’s like God was telling me to feed them. They were coming with different health concerns but there was this intense spiritual hunger that I saw. God really used this time to encourage me and helped me to focus more on the reality of the spiritual struggles that people are going through. Perhaps the biggest lie is the assumption that people don’t want to hear.

That has pretty much been what is going on down here in this moment. Next week I am starting 3 weeks of classes at YWAM about working with children at risk. I’m very excited to learn more as everyday I am faced with different social situations. This is also an excellent time to get to know other people working in ministry here in Costa Rica and take a few weeks to think and pray about future ministry here. I will finish this newsletter with some prayer requests:

1) Please pray for Marilyn. Marilyn’s health is still not the greatest. She has high blood pressure and gastritis and is still recovering from her surgery emotionally. Also, there are a lot of things going on in her family that is keeping her stressed. Pray for the healing of relationships in her family.
2) Please pray for me. Pray for direction. I am finding that there are so many doors here and I’m praying about what steps to take. Also keep my financial situation in your prayers. I am really struggling financially.
3) Please pray for provision for my ministries. Specifically the children’s soup kitchen. Also pray for more workers for the soup kitchen.