I'm just sending out a quick blog post to ask you all for prayer for a door that God has opened for both me and Anita. Next Thursday, me and Anita will be leading a workshop on Self Esteem in the slum community where we work. This is very much a step of faith and we need your prayers as we pray and prepare to give this workshop.
This last week, as Anita has been seeking God as to how she could use her giftings and education to reach this community. She struggled to see how she could use her secular education as a Psychologist and combine it with a Biblical base. It then dawned on her that I had that Biblical education and that together we could combine both the Psychological and Biblical aspects of a wide range of topics. So she asked me if I would be willing to do that and of course I said yes! It really encouraged me to see another way we could serve the community.
So on Thursday we will be trying this for the first time. In the morning we will be doing the workshop for anyone who wants to come and in the afternoon, we will be doing a more youth focused version of the workshop. So please lift this up in your prayers, that God would use this to reach a community that is so broken and that it would open more doors for us to form relationships in the community. We also plan to start doing workshops regularly in the future as a team so please lift up all that planning in your prayers as well!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Blessed are you when.........
This month has been an action packed month, I don't really know where to start but I'll give it a try! A couple weeks ago me and Anita were blessed to go on a retreat with the woman of our church. I hadn't been to a retreat in so long, so it was such a blessing to take some time away from it all and just draw close to my Lord. It was a time of reflection and refreshment. It was so nice to just be ministered too as opposed to ministering to others. The timing of this retreat couldn't be more perfect, as I was feeling quite overwhelmed by some of the events of this month and just needed time to recharge.
Some of the things that God just spoke to me during this month is that God ALWAYS works for the good of those who love Him. He takes each one of our situations or circumstances that we may see as bad and uses it for His good and glory. What we see as horrible, or what Satan sees as a way to discourage us, God takes each of these moments and uses it for His glory. God tells us in His word that when we follow Him, that we will be persecuted.......yet when we feel persecuted or feel like we are passing through the valley, it is so hard to understand why God would allow us to pass through it because indeed it is painful....and only through God's strength can we move forward.
But His word tells us that we are BLESSED when we suffer hardships, that we are BLESSED when people insult us and say false things about us. It is so hard to even comprehend this concept but God always points us to the eternal and not the present. (Matthew 5) It's these hardships that make us realize that this world is not our home and that one day we will be with our Lord in a place where there is no more pain and no more tears. I don't only say these things to you or to come across as preachy, but I draw hope from these promises from God amidst my own hardships, and indeed I am aware that each one of us is in a battlefield. I hope that by being open about my own hardships, that some of you will be encouraged and find hope in the fact that we are all living in the same world and striving to please our King in a broken world.
This month, I found out that someone whom I had really poured my time into in the past, and someone who had already caused me alot of hardship in ministry, was spreading some pretty serious lies about me. Right when I thought, that the hardships with that person were in the past, something had to come back up, just at a time when I felt God restoring my heart and building me up in ministry once again. I found the strength to move past it in the moment and I really cried out to God to reveal the truth and that truly it only really mattered what He thought of me. I remained as strong as I could and really felt blessed as the truth seemed to come to light fairly quickly through some amazing people who stood by me that week.
Something good that came out through this situation, was just to see how many amazing people that God has placed in my life here in Costa Rica. For a moment, I was able to forget about the many hurts/deceptions that I have been through and was able to see the good in it all. I was amazed how much affirmation actually came through this situation. It was so encouraging for me this month to see that God has surrounded me with some wonderful God fearing people who were not only willing to back me up but who just really encouraged me.
Satan may prowl around like a lion.....and indeed sometimes it seems like there are "wolves" everywhere but God's truth and promises stand firm......He is stronger than the enemy, He lights up and overcomes the darkness. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt....because it really does....but MY act of surrender and indeed MY act of worship by acknowledging the power of God over these things, helps me to reach up my arms to Him and reach out my hands to Him. He holds my ministry, He holds my heart, and he holds even my reputation in His hands. My purpose is to honor Him in all that I do. I seek to please my master and not men. I have hope and faith that God can take each one of these situations and use it for His glory and use it to shape me.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5
"The LORD is my light and my salvation--so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? Psalm 27:1
Prayer Requests:
1. Pray that God would continue to fill me with His strength, hope, faith and passion in ministry. Pray that these hardships would not stop me from seeing the bigger picture and continuing to reach out with His love.
2. Please pray for my residency application! I just turned in all my papers to immigration and am just waiting to see if its approved :) This would really benefit me and lower some of my expenses.
3. Pray for God's provision for me and Anita's daily needs and ministry needs.
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| Me and the ladies about to leave the retreat! |
Some of the things that God just spoke to me during this month is that God ALWAYS works for the good of those who love Him. He takes each one of our situations or circumstances that we may see as bad and uses it for His good and glory. What we see as horrible, or what Satan sees as a way to discourage us, God takes each of these moments and uses it for His glory. God tells us in His word that when we follow Him, that we will be persecuted.......yet when we feel persecuted or feel like we are passing through the valley, it is so hard to understand why God would allow us to pass through it because indeed it is painful....and only through God's strength can we move forward.
But His word tells us that we are BLESSED when we suffer hardships, that we are BLESSED when people insult us and say false things about us. It is so hard to even comprehend this concept but God always points us to the eternal and not the present. (Matthew 5) It's these hardships that make us realize that this world is not our home and that one day we will be with our Lord in a place where there is no more pain and no more tears. I don't only say these things to you or to come across as preachy, but I draw hope from these promises from God amidst my own hardships, and indeed I am aware that each one of us is in a battlefield. I hope that by being open about my own hardships, that some of you will be encouraged and find hope in the fact that we are all living in the same world and striving to please our King in a broken world.
This month, I found out that someone whom I had really poured my time into in the past, and someone who had already caused me alot of hardship in ministry, was spreading some pretty serious lies about me. Right when I thought, that the hardships with that person were in the past, something had to come back up, just at a time when I felt God restoring my heart and building me up in ministry once again. I found the strength to move past it in the moment and I really cried out to God to reveal the truth and that truly it only really mattered what He thought of me. I remained as strong as I could and really felt blessed as the truth seemed to come to light fairly quickly through some amazing people who stood by me that week.
Something good that came out through this situation, was just to see how many amazing people that God has placed in my life here in Costa Rica. For a moment, I was able to forget about the many hurts/deceptions that I have been through and was able to see the good in it all. I was amazed how much affirmation actually came through this situation. It was so encouraging for me this month to see that God has surrounded me with some wonderful God fearing people who were not only willing to back me up but who just really encouraged me.
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| One of the short term teams I translated for this month. |
Satan may prowl around like a lion.....and indeed sometimes it seems like there are "wolves" everywhere but God's truth and promises stand firm......He is stronger than the enemy, He lights up and overcomes the darkness. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt....because it really does....but MY act of surrender and indeed MY act of worship by acknowledging the power of God over these things, helps me to reach up my arms to Him and reach out my hands to Him. He holds my ministry, He holds my heart, and he holds even my reputation in His hands. My purpose is to honor Him in all that I do. I seek to please my master and not men. I have hope and faith that God can take each one of these situations and use it for His glory and use it to shape me.
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5
"The LORD is my light and my salvation--so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? Psalm 27:1
Prayer Requests:
1. Pray that God would continue to fill me with His strength, hope, faith and passion in ministry. Pray that these hardships would not stop me from seeing the bigger picture and continuing to reach out with His love.
2. Please pray for my residency application! I just turned in all my papers to immigration and am just waiting to see if its approved :) This would really benefit me and lower some of my expenses.
3. Pray for God's provision for me and Anita's daily needs and ministry needs.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
How to Reach?
"O Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light, and
Where there is sorrow, joy.
Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand; to be loved
as to love; for it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."
I remember first reading this prayer when I was a little girl and memorizing it off of a poster on a wall. Today, when I was in ministry, somehow this prayer that I haven't thought of for so many years; came back to my heart. This prayer is the desire of my heart in my life and in ministry.
Today, as I walked into Petrona's house, it struck me that her and her 5 kids shared a space the size of my bedroom. As we sat down on the few chairs she has, and she started to share her situation; I couldn't help but feel a deep sadness for this woman and her situation. She was telling us how her husband was no longer coming home or bringing money, diapers or food for her and her kids. She started to cry as she told us that rent was due 2 weeks ago and she had nothing to pay it. She doesn't know what to do or where to go. There is no food in the house and her kids are asking her for milk. It is clear that this woman is overwhelmed and as I contemplate what I would do in her situation.......I draw a complete blank......wow......its hard to think of someone's situation and already feel the hopelessness that one must feel, especially a mom of five young kids! Her oldest son who is 11 says that he wants to leave school and work to bring money for the family......and....I'm baffled.....Lord, how can I reach and love on this people when they have so much need, but I can't and don't have the power to change their situation. It was hard for me when Hugo asked me to end with a prayer and all I could do was pray to God for the words and ask Him to provide for the needs of this family.
This morning as I was preparing to teach the youth, I was really just praying to God and asking him to guide me to teach. I had a moment when I stepped back, looked at the context of my ministry and simply didn't know where to start. These youth don't necessarily believe in God, so in my heart I was asking God how to teach youth that may not even believe in the Bible. "Lord, how do I reach them with your word? Lord, give me the words to make this more to them than just me preaching at them, make this a special time, where they are challenged to contemplate you Lord, and see the value in entrusting their lives into your hands. I pray that bit by bit, I will earn their trust and get to know them on a deeper level. Today was a good start, as I prayed, God calmed my heart and filled me with His words. Only three youth arrived today but I took advantage of this and was able to ask them more questions and just get to know them.
It is through these situations when I get overwhelmed that God draws me closer to His heart and His heart for the poor. It is when I step back and feel their pain, that God whispers and says that He is there. It is in these moments of feeling like anything I could do is just a drop in the bucket, that God reminds me of the supernatural, that He is the only one that brings these people through their daily struggles. All He asks of me is to walk with them, talk with them, remind them that God is there, and to pray and encourage. To bring a glimmer of hope in a bleak situation, and to do all I can to help these people, and when there's not much I can do, to remember that there is value in a shoulder to cry on, and in ears that listen, and in the arms that hold.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light, and
Where there is sorrow, joy.
Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand; to be loved
as to love; for it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."
I remember first reading this prayer when I was a little girl and memorizing it off of a poster on a wall. Today, when I was in ministry, somehow this prayer that I haven't thought of for so many years; came back to my heart. This prayer is the desire of my heart in my life and in ministry.
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| Houses in the slum. |
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| Me holding Petrona's baby. |
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| Me and Eliezer |
It is through these situations when I get overwhelmed that God draws me closer to His heart and His heart for the poor. It is when I step back and feel their pain, that God whispers and says that He is there. It is in these moments of feeling like anything I could do is just a drop in the bucket, that God reminds me of the supernatural, that He is the only one that brings these people through their daily struggles. All He asks of me is to walk with them, talk with them, remind them that God is there, and to pray and encourage. To bring a glimmer of hope in a bleak situation, and to do all I can to help these people, and when there's not much I can do, to remember that there is value in a shoulder to cry on, and in ears that listen, and in the arms that hold.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A New Season
As I write this tonight, I am filled with tears, but not tears of sadness but of joy. God has brought me on a journey this year....a journey to seeing Him work in me and redefining what it is to serve God and my definition of ministry. Some of you have known the transitions I have been through in the last year and the frustrations I have had seeking more ministry.....and in all my focus and wanting to do more.....God has been trying to show and change what that means.
I may not be able to appear that I am doing alot of things here in Costa Rica, I may not be able to see the fruits in what Jesus does through me sometimes, but what God is showing me is that it only takes a moment to plant a seed sometimes and most of the time we have no idea when that is taking place.
Tonight, I read a email that put this last year into perspective for me. In my mind, I have almost felt that this last year was a waste, that I couldn't do as much as I wanted and hoped to do. I have questioned God's purpose for me in Costa Rica this year. But through these struggles, I see God refining me in the fire and showing me what He values most from me serving here in Costa Rica. What He values is that I simply reach out and simply show Christ to those He sends into my path, weather if its simply one conversation over coffee or every week for many years. God works with whatever timeline we have with each person.
My other questions that I have had this year are "Do I Shine? Do I point others to intimacy with Christ? Many times, I have felt that I haven't, but then God takes the simplest things and shows me that He chooses to shine through me in the moments I least expect. This last year, I had to kick out a girl living with me, that I poured into for almost two years......and in the end, I wasn't able to see any fruit from it. This was incredibly discouraging but in contrast, tonight I recieved an email from a young man I had only one conversation with and he wrote me to tell me that he met Christ through me and that he had been baptized.
God so does not work in the ways we think! In my concept of missions, I expect to need to plant seeds over a long period of time to see fruits but I have learned that it doesn't always work this way and I have no way of knowing what God is doing in each person's life. All I know is that nothing is in vain, and that what I see and understand is not necessarily the way it is. God's ways are above mine.
A couple weeks ago was me and Anita's last day working at the soup kitchen in Guizaros with the kids. God just started closing doors there and opening doors in other places (more news later). They had a beautiful goodbye party for us there. After 2.5 years of working with these kids, I always wondered if I planted any seeds there in all that time. At the goodbye party, I was able to see the fruits of all those Saturdays. Some kids cried, and others shared with us how we had encouraged them. It was a priceless moment. It made me want to change my mind and stay......but at the same time I just was filled with peace knowing that this chapter for me was closing and that God was opening a new chapter in my life and ministry.
Most of you know that we were looking for a place to rent and start a ministry there at the soup kitchen but after searching for months and months for a place to rent, we were finally told that it is nearly impossible to find rentals there. This was so frustrating but I continued praying and I prayed that God would show me if we were to wait or to explore other opportunities. I felt God's nudge to explore other areas to do discipleship.
Shortly after, God opened a door to see a ministry in Heredia, about a 30 minute drive from where I live now. Well, we visited and were just blown away by how open they are to discipleship and how they have been praying for people to come and work with the children and youth in the slum there. When I visited, I instantly felt at home.......this has never happened to me! I didn't feel shy at all and just felt such a peace. We continued to pray and felt God's confirmation to move forward. So now......we are looking for a house and will be moving on January 1st!
God is bringing us into a new year, a year to use all He has taught us this year. Now that God has shown me that its not the quantity of ministry I do but that I just simply reach for Him.....He has now chosen to fill my schedule with ministry! I hope to never forget what I have learned and that I will never think that the way God uses me, fits only into the human idea of how it should be and what it means to be a missionary. Lord, I give you my life, I give you my time, and I give you my ministry. This is all for the glory and honor of your name.
In a future blog post I will describe my ministry in more detail.....until then....please pray for a smooth move and transition into a new ministry. If you remember, please keep me and Anita in prayer this next week. Tomorrow, I will be teaching the kids the Christmas story and doing a craft. On Friday we will be leading a workshop for teen girls talking about puberty, sexuality, and self worth. We will be getting to know them and be praying with them and answering questions and explaining these things from a Biblical context. Pray that God opens doors for us to know these youth and to reach out to them.
I also just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there that have planted seeds in my life. I want to thank all of you who have supported me out here and have prayed for me. I have felt deeply encouraged by you and have felt blessed to be surrounded by amazing men and women of God. For those of you in Canada and the States, I miss you and love you and just want to wish you a wonderful Christmas. God Bless.
I may not be able to appear that I am doing alot of things here in Costa Rica, I may not be able to see the fruits in what Jesus does through me sometimes, but what God is showing me is that it only takes a moment to plant a seed sometimes and most of the time we have no idea when that is taking place.
Tonight, I read a email that put this last year into perspective for me. In my mind, I have almost felt that this last year was a waste, that I couldn't do as much as I wanted and hoped to do. I have questioned God's purpose for me in Costa Rica this year. But through these struggles, I see God refining me in the fire and showing me what He values most from me serving here in Costa Rica. What He values is that I simply reach out and simply show Christ to those He sends into my path, weather if its simply one conversation over coffee or every week for many years. God works with whatever timeline we have with each person.
My other questions that I have had this year are "Do I Shine? Do I point others to intimacy with Christ? Many times, I have felt that I haven't, but then God takes the simplest things and shows me that He chooses to shine through me in the moments I least expect. This last year, I had to kick out a girl living with me, that I poured into for almost two years......and in the end, I wasn't able to see any fruit from it. This was incredibly discouraging but in contrast, tonight I recieved an email from a young man I had only one conversation with and he wrote me to tell me that he met Christ through me and that he had been baptized.
God so does not work in the ways we think! In my concept of missions, I expect to need to plant seeds over a long period of time to see fruits but I have learned that it doesn't always work this way and I have no way of knowing what God is doing in each person's life. All I know is that nothing is in vain, and that what I see and understand is not necessarily the way it is. God's ways are above mine.
A couple weeks ago was me and Anita's last day working at the soup kitchen in Guizaros with the kids. God just started closing doors there and opening doors in other places (more news later). They had a beautiful goodbye party for us there. After 2.5 years of working with these kids, I always wondered if I planted any seeds there in all that time. At the goodbye party, I was able to see the fruits of all those Saturdays. Some kids cried, and others shared with us how we had encouraged them. It was a priceless moment. It made me want to change my mind and stay......but at the same time I just was filled with peace knowing that this chapter for me was closing and that God was opening a new chapter in my life and ministry.
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| Saying Goodbye at Guizaros :( |
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| Me with a little boy named Justin at the ministry in Heredia. |
God is bringing us into a new year, a year to use all He has taught us this year. Now that God has shown me that its not the quantity of ministry I do but that I just simply reach for Him.....He has now chosen to fill my schedule with ministry! I hope to never forget what I have learned and that I will never think that the way God uses me, fits only into the human idea of how it should be and what it means to be a missionary. Lord, I give you my life, I give you my time, and I give you my ministry. This is all for the glory and honor of your name.
In a future blog post I will describe my ministry in more detail.....until then....please pray for a smooth move and transition into a new ministry. If you remember, please keep me and Anita in prayer this next week. Tomorrow, I will be teaching the kids the Christmas story and doing a craft. On Friday we will be leading a workshop for teen girls talking about puberty, sexuality, and self worth. We will be getting to know them and be praying with them and answering questions and explaining these things from a Biblical context. Pray that God opens doors for us to know these youth and to reach out to them.
I also just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there that have planted seeds in my life. I want to thank all of you who have supported me out here and have prayed for me. I have felt deeply encouraged by you and have felt blessed to be surrounded by amazing men and women of God. For those of you in Canada and the States, I miss you and love you and just want to wish you a wonderful Christmas. God Bless.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
A Testimony of God's Provision
Today I find the need to share with you the amazing things that God has spoken to me and done for me this week. As you know from my last blog post, I have been discouraged this last month just questioning God on things and freaking out over "just another" small financial issue. Aside from God speaking to me through the Israelites, He also led me to read about Elijah. As I was reading elsewhere in the Bible, I simply could not read more because God kept saying....ELIJAH! So I finally went and read that and God spoke to me, and was reminding me of His provision in the weirdest of ways. Ironically, both sermons I heard this week at church were on the Israelites (on last Thursday) and Elijah (Sunday) both after God leading me to those very passages in my private times. It's funny how God seems to do that when he is wanting to speak loud and clear. Both those Bible stories are full of God's miraculous provisions and not only in the natural but the supernatural and with ordinary people serving God who had moments of doubt. Anyways, I found out a few days ago that I had recieved a cheque from the government that will cover the payment I need to make.So this is just another testimony of God's faithfulness. You all know how rare it is to recieve a cheque from the government.....and when those things come.....it's always only just when I really really need it. I remember back in June or July having a similar situation. I called the bank to see what I could do and happened to find out I had 900 dollars credit on a credit card I had cancelled years ago! I don't believe these things are coincidence and I believe it is God that moves these timings and things on our behalf. Praise God for His Provision and Grace!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Just like the Israelites.........Humbled
As I think about some of my favorite Bible stories, I am challenged to see myself. I think of all the times I have talked about the book of Exodus and the journey of the Israelites to the promised land and thought........how could they not trust God after all he did for them, how could they question God and chase after other things when the miracles of God were shown right in front of their faces? Why did they doubt.....HOW could they doubt?
This week I just feel soooo humbled as I realize how, like the Israelites, despite God's miracles and moving in my own life.... I seem to go through these times of fear, doubt and questioning God. God WHEN is your timing, WHAT is your plan, WHY do I need to wait? Typical to these moments, guilt soon moves in when I comtemplate who I am and who God is. Is he not the God that has miraculously sustained me in Costa Rica the last 2.5 years? Is he not the God that opened my eyes to prophecy and healing this year including witnessing my first healing on my 26th Birthday? How many times has he protected me here? How many times he has used little simple me to reach out when I felt vulnerable and weak with nothing to offer?
After thinking through these things I sit in awe.....who am I to question Him? Am I not the clay here like my blog says? Or will I be a hypocrite and say that that is what I am but still somehow question? As if to say to God, do you REALLY have me Lord? How condescending! God has been with me through every process, I never want to forget how he led me to this beautiful country and how he was with me as I stepped off that plane having no clue what was to come.By God's mercy alone he still constantly speaks and fills me with his presence and blesses me even when I act like a little brat to him. He has truly brought me on the adventure of my life. He has filled me with unexpressable joy at times, there have been times I have been so touched that I have been brought to tears in His presence. He has brought me to amazing places and I have met amazing people. I have cried in complete brokeness and I have laughed so hard my stomach hurts. All these things have been a gift to me and He chose to share this with me.
Honestly, this last month has been tough for me and I have been tested alot with the question.....how much do you REALLY trust God? This month has put a couple financial difficulties in my path.....and even though I have been here many many times in the last years and God always works it out, I somehow have my freak out moment.......Lord what am I going to do?! How can I make money to take away each month's unknown income. I hate waiting till the 26th of each month to find out if I can pay the rent. I want stability, I want assurance......and all in my flesh! It's then that I realize that in my flesh I want to take away all the things that force me to lean on him. I forget that leaning on him has taught me so much, has made me grow and has increased my faith. When I remember his faithfulness and my stability and assurance in him....I stop in my tracks and realize I am in the best position ever.
That hasn't been the only thing I have felt frustrated in.....then there's the monotonous days of coloring and coloring and coloring visuals to teach the Bible.....where I'm questioning.....Lord where is our house to serve in ministry? Will this be affective? There are days like today in which I feel I will go crazy if I color another sheet and I wonder if He will really bring his promises into fruition or if my work is in vain. I feel like my heart is out there and I'm afraid of failing. This has been the hardest for me....as each month that goes by and still not finding a house, it gets harder. Please keep this in prayer.
Why do I share these things? Because I believe we all share in these struggles. I could write to you about the lovely side of being a missionary and share moving stories of God working in ministry and moving in people's lives....but I would be missing a crucial part of reality that sometimes.........It is HARD. Sometimes I question my work and sometimes I wonder like anyone if I heard God right. I think that we all feel that way. We are all on this faith journey and we are all Israelites. We are NOT above that. God moves amazing things all the time that we either fail to see or simply forget. I pray to God.....OPEN my eyes to YOUR work and to YOUR heart. I pray and ask God.....Forgive me for the times when I doubt and forget your faithfulness. Forgive me for being impatient and ungrateful. Indeed He has made my life full. Pray for me as I continue to serve Him and that I would be patient for his timeline with me and Anita's ministry endeavours and that I would be content in this process of praying, planning, coloring and waiting. I am human too and need prayer for all these things. Thanks for your prayers and I pray for all those out there who maybe feel the same. Our God is faithful.....let's try not to be like the Israelites!
This week I just feel soooo humbled as I realize how, like the Israelites, despite God's miracles and moving in my own life.... I seem to go through these times of fear, doubt and questioning God. God WHEN is your timing, WHAT is your plan, WHY do I need to wait? Typical to these moments, guilt soon moves in when I comtemplate who I am and who God is. Is he not the God that has miraculously sustained me in Costa Rica the last 2.5 years? Is he not the God that opened my eyes to prophecy and healing this year including witnessing my first healing on my 26th Birthday? How many times has he protected me here? How many times he has used little simple me to reach out when I felt vulnerable and weak with nothing to offer?
After thinking through these things I sit in awe.....who am I to question Him? Am I not the clay here like my blog says? Or will I be a hypocrite and say that that is what I am but still somehow question? As if to say to God, do you REALLY have me Lord? How condescending! God has been with me through every process, I never want to forget how he led me to this beautiful country and how he was with me as I stepped off that plane having no clue what was to come.By God's mercy alone he still constantly speaks and fills me with his presence and blesses me even when I act like a little brat to him. He has truly brought me on the adventure of my life. He has filled me with unexpressable joy at times, there have been times I have been so touched that I have been brought to tears in His presence. He has brought me to amazing places and I have met amazing people. I have cried in complete brokeness and I have laughed so hard my stomach hurts. All these things have been a gift to me and He chose to share this with me.
Honestly, this last month has been tough for me and I have been tested alot with the question.....how much do you REALLY trust God? This month has put a couple financial difficulties in my path.....and even though I have been here many many times in the last years and God always works it out, I somehow have my freak out moment.......Lord what am I going to do?! How can I make money to take away each month's unknown income. I hate waiting till the 26th of each month to find out if I can pay the rent. I want stability, I want assurance......and all in my flesh! It's then that I realize that in my flesh I want to take away all the things that force me to lean on him. I forget that leaning on him has taught me so much, has made me grow and has increased my faith. When I remember his faithfulness and my stability and assurance in him....I stop in my tracks and realize I am in the best position ever.
That hasn't been the only thing I have felt frustrated in.....then there's the monotonous days of coloring and coloring and coloring visuals to teach the Bible.....where I'm questioning.....Lord where is our house to serve in ministry? Will this be affective? There are days like today in which I feel I will go crazy if I color another sheet and I wonder if He will really bring his promises into fruition or if my work is in vain. I feel like my heart is out there and I'm afraid of failing. This has been the hardest for me....as each month that goes by and still not finding a house, it gets harder. Please keep this in prayer.
Why do I share these things? Because I believe we all share in these struggles. I could write to you about the lovely side of being a missionary and share moving stories of God working in ministry and moving in people's lives....but I would be missing a crucial part of reality that sometimes.........It is HARD. Sometimes I question my work and sometimes I wonder like anyone if I heard God right. I think that we all feel that way. We are all on this faith journey and we are all Israelites. We are NOT above that. God moves amazing things all the time that we either fail to see or simply forget. I pray to God.....OPEN my eyes to YOUR work and to YOUR heart. I pray and ask God.....Forgive me for the times when I doubt and forget your faithfulness. Forgive me for being impatient and ungrateful. Indeed He has made my life full. Pray for me as I continue to serve Him and that I would be patient for his timeline with me and Anita's ministry endeavours and that I would be content in this process of praying, planning, coloring and waiting. I am human too and need prayer for all these things. Thanks for your prayers and I pray for all those out there who maybe feel the same. Our God is faithful.....let's try not to be like the Israelites!
Monday, September 19, 2011
God's Voice Within the Mundane.........
Well, I know it has been awhile since I have written but for some reason I have been having some major writer's block. Sometimes I find that life is just simply life and that I have nothing specifec to share or say. I will say that I have felt just so blessed by God as Me and Anita are forming a program for children. Day to day, my life consists of cooking, cleaning, preparing lessons, visiting with friends, playing with my dog, reading my bible,going to the soup kitchen, texting troubled youth, playing with neighbor kids, going to church, teaching sunday school......or whatever else God brings into my path. Through all these "normal" things I see God very much at work and I find that it is in these simple things and in the natural flow of life that I see God at work and him telling me how he wants me to spend my time.
Sometimes I forget to thank God for the normal......and then I remember a not so normal last year when my life was crazy and full of way too much drama. In that time I longed for silence, I longed for the normal. I longed for rest and no surprises.
So as I sit here in the mundane at times, I am reminded to savour every moment. I know that when we move, we will be up against alot. Perhaps God is resting me up to prepare me for some not so restful moments ahead. When that time comes, I will be ready for whatever comes our way!
So for now, when we are working on this program for these kids that we love so much, I think of them. With every visual we are creating......I'm not just making a visual.....I am making a visual for those kids to teach them about Jesus, and to bring hope to a community that needs it. We have the time to make the best we can and those kids are worth the hours of planning and creating!
Until we are there, I continue to pray for these little ones and pray to God that I will never forget the power of prayer. I thank God for my precious times with him whether its alone in my room or singing my heart out to him in church. This is all for him and I pray that I will have the grace and love to seize every moment no matter how normal it is. May my every breath be for Him and Him alone. I pray that God will continue to show me daily, the ways I can serve him more, and the ways I can bless others, whether it be an encouraging word to the corner store clerk,the person next to me on the bus, watching a stressed out mom's kids, hosting people in my home. whatever it may be, my challenge is to strive to serve in the normal and not just in the times of crisis or dramatic need. How can I simply be a blessing? This is what has been on my heart. There is no need to seek out extravagant ways......just to lend a hand to my neighbor in love.....this is what God's heart is and God's desire for all of us.
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| Baking Cheese Biscuits! I love to Bake! |
So as I sit here in the mundane at times, I am reminded to savour every moment. I know that when we move, we will be up against alot. Perhaps God is resting me up to prepare me for some not so restful moments ahead. When that time comes, I will be ready for whatever comes our way!
So for now, when we are working on this program for these kids that we love so much, I think of them. With every visual we are creating......I'm not just making a visual.....I am making a visual for those kids to teach them about Jesus, and to bring hope to a community that needs it. We have the time to make the best we can and those kids are worth the hours of planning and creating!
 |
| The Book of Exodus Complete in Visuals.....Alot of work! |
Until we are there, I continue to pray for these little ones and pray to God that I will never forget the power of prayer. I thank God for my precious times with him whether its alone in my room or singing my heart out to him in church. This is all for him and I pray that I will have the grace and love to seize every moment no matter how normal it is. May my every breath be for Him and Him alone. I pray that God will continue to show me daily, the ways I can serve him more, and the ways I can bless others, whether it be an encouraging word to the corner store clerk,the person next to me on the bus, watching a stressed out mom's kids, hosting people in my home. whatever it may be, my challenge is to strive to serve in the normal and not just in the times of crisis or dramatic need. How can I simply be a blessing? This is what has been on my heart. There is no need to seek out extravagant ways......just to lend a hand to my neighbor in love.....this is what God's heart is and God's desire for all of us.
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